A love that never fails.....

I've sat down several times in the past couple of days trying to figure out what I wanted to write about. There has been so much going on it's been hard to wrap my brain around everything and process it. This morning I had extra time to soak in the Word and reflect on what God has been placing on my heart the past couple of weeks. It was such a refreshing time and a much needed time to spend with the Lord.

My friend asked me several days ago if I was experiencing culture shock and if there was anything that I had seen or experienced that was difficult. There are a lot of things that are hard to see, hard to experience and hard to imagine. As I reflect on my first full month of being here, I'm suprised that I don't have the same feelings about Haiti as I did when I was here in September. Things that broke my heart, rocked my world and things that forced me to ask some hard questions on my first trip to Haiti, don't seem to have the same affect on me. Don't get me wrong, I love being here, I love Haiti and I love the people here. I just don't feel the same "heart tug" or the same "heartbreak" I felt on my first trip.

For the past couple of weeks I've been contemplating God's love. His love for me, His love for His creation, His love for all of mankind.

I've been praying that God would open my eyes and heart so I can love like Him. I want to love like God loves, to see beyond the physical aliments and physical barriers and see the true nature of the human being in front of me. I know that I can't fully love like Christ loves, but to share just one ounce of His love, would satisfy. I've been carrying around a sense of guilt for not having my heart ripped into a million pieces at the things I see and the stories I hear about the loss of a loved one due to the EQ or the stories of kids that have been abandoned for one reason or another. My dear friend reminded me that God doesn't produce guilt, but freely gives the gift of love. An unconditional agape love that just blows me away. A love that my mind can't comprehend or contain. A love that never fails and is never ending. My mind can't comprehend what it would be like to love someone like God loves us. This is until I met Fine.

Fine is in her early 30's and lives in a small mountain village with her aunt who takes care of her. Her mom for whatever reason lives in Texas and isn't around to take care of her daughter. When Fine was little, she tripped and fell on a chair and was left mentally disabled and unable to care for herself. The first time I saw Fine, my heart was broken for her. There was something about her that immediately caught my attention. It made me stop in my tracks and at that moment, I knew God brought me here, to this small mountain village, to show Fine that she is loved, the same way that God loves me, the same way God loves all of His creation. What you don't know is that Fine is the community outcast, a spectacle, an outsider.

I had been praying that God would allow me to love people for who they are, to see beyond their physical ailments and physical barriers and see them for who they truly are. Here right before my very own eyes, was such a girl. At that moment, I wondered what God sees when He sees Fine. He doesn't see an outcast, a girl confined to a disabled body. He sees a beautiful creation, a creation perfected in His sight. I want to see Fine as God sees her and created her to be. A beautiful creation, perfect in His sight.

So as I celebrate my first month in Haiti, I look forward to what God is showing me and sharing His love...His never ending, unfailing love.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”  John 13:34-35

Time, it's a difficult thing...

Time, it's a very difficult thing here in Haiti. It takes several hours to get where you're going, it takes another couple of hours to accomplish what you've set out to do and another couple of hours to get back home, even then sometimes what you've set out to do doesn't get accomplished and nothing goes as planned. Nothing here happens quickly or happens with any sense of urgency.

Case in point, it's been 3 weeks and I'm just getting a chance to sit down and write my first blog since I've been here. Just not enough free time to have the luxury of sitting down and having some alone time. With teams coming and going and the house full of staff, I'm not sure alone time exists.

It's crazy that I've been here for 3 weeks when it feels like at times I've only been here for a week and other times it feels like I've been here for several months. It's been a challenging couple of weeks with a lot of emotional highs and lows. I think Haiti and I have a really good love hate relationship going on. Some days I just shake my head and ask myself "Am I ever going to get this?" "Am I able to do this?" "Why me?" "What kind of impact can I make while I'm here?" While other times it seems like a year here is not enough time.

I’m encouraged though, when I look out my bedroom window and see the beautiful views of the mountains and see the people going about their daily business. This is definitely God’s country. The flowers, the mountain views, the people.  I’m humbled that He chose me to be a part of it. A part of His great plan that my mind could never comprehend and fully understand but I trust Him. I trust that He’s called me here and I trust that He 's using me in ways that I've never imagined possible. 

Thank you all for your prayers, support and encouragement!

Putting faith in action,

::Jessica